Oh, where to start! It's been a long week so far and I'm only going into Wednesday! Alex made it home from Memphis on sunday. He had a good time and did great with his vision despite being "alone" (not with anyone who really knows how or when to help him), and despite many situations where he was totally unable to see because of lighting, etc. He did great and had fun but was very tired because his vision (or lack there of) was something he always thought about, worried about, etc. I was glad to have him home but had to go into work sunday night after having him home for only a few hours. I did a few loads of laundry and then went to work.
Monday was a long day. Aaron had a really bad day...nonstop fussiness and crying and even he Baby bjorn didn't calm him down. He went from napping quite nicely at the beach to barely sleeping at all on monday and screaming so much that I was really at my wits end. I had a total mental breakdown (the lack of sleep didn't help) and I freaked out because I had only worked one of three nights in a row and was already losing it! He's such an unpredictable baby and I cannot count on him to sleep during the day, or even be pretty chill so that I can snooze. I feel like he's either great or terrible...there's no in between.
Luckily my mom is the most amazing person ever and she calmed me down, reassured me that I am not weak (I just have a really tough kid), and encouraged me to get some help. I'm so used to being able to d it all, and do it all without batting an eyelash. I take on too much, but I thrive under that kind of pressure. And although I hate chaos, I love to make order out of chaos. Aaron is totally throwing me for a loop. Just when I have him "figured out", he has a terrible day and I am convinced that he hates me...or hates how I do things. I am having a hard time with the fact that I constantly second guess everything I do with him. I'm not confident like I was with Charlie. Does that make me a bad mom? I realized monday that I spend alot of time just trying to keep Aaron from freaking out. I do love the times that he smiles at me and coos and babbles...but boy was monday a tough day!
So the whole point of this long babbling nonsense post is that I came into work monday night (still shaken and teary and on the verge of losing it) and asked a co-worker if she would be interested in watching Aaron for a few hours the next day. Being the awesome friend she is, she came over tuesday for 4 hours, all of which I used to sleep. There were other things I needed to do but sleep is something that was most needed. I insisted on paying her, she finally took the money, but boy did she help me out. I may do this more often (my mom really wants me to have help regularly...we'll see if that happens), but that really was the best 4 hours of sleep I have had in a while. I felt like a new person when I woke up.
Aaron had a better day today overall. He's in this pattern now where he sleeps from 5:30pm on and we wake him around 10pm, before we go to bed, feed him, and he sleeps till almost 6pm. Not bad! It's nice that we'll be able to relax in the evenings, maybe have a nice dinner and watch a movie when I am home. Charlie also gets more attention like this which makes him happy!
I don't really know what the point of this post was/is. I'm having to admit defeat here...I cannot do it all...at least not right now with my kiddo the way he is. I told my mom that I know he's meant to teach me something...hopefully I'm open to learning! I'll post some pics tomorrow that I took of both boys in their Graceland T-shirts that Alex brought home...too cute! If anyone actually read this, thanks for tolerating my rants!
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