Thoughts on life

I've been busy since I last posted. Mostly working. We are SLAMMED at work right now and there is alot of overtime to be had...so I am working it. Probably too much, but Alex is holding down things at home so I can work and sleep, work and sleep...This will allow us to build up something of a cushion to use while we are a single income again. We are working on some things on Alex's end, trying to see if he can qualify for unemployment again, thinking about applying for disability, etc...anything related to what happened with his former job, I've been asked to refrain from blogging about. Any questions asked about it or comments about it will have to be deleted until further notice. Thanks for understanding. I wish I could rant or vent about it all but it's best if I keep my mouth shut for now!

I am trying to keep things in perspective right now. As far as Aaron goes, I love him so much and I want him to be happy. I realize today, that he is happy. The past week or two or three, he is happier than he's ever been. I am sure i am totally jinxing myself right now, but he no longer has a "bad" time of the day...he eats, sleeps, plays a bit and smiles almost all the time. No more screaming, fussing...I haven't used the Baby Bjorn in forever. It's really great! So he is happy. Whatever all of this neurological workup shows or doesn't show, it doesn't matter. If he crawls a little later, walks later, whatever, it's okay...he's happy!

With Alex and his situation, we'll make it work. I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. They always do. I don't know what the reason is for all of this crap with his job and everything he's gone through with it and with our financial stresses...but it will work out somehow in the end. I can't see it yet, but I have faith that it will happen that way.

I was talking to a friend the other day, complaining that I really want things to just be settled. To know that we don't have any pressing plans that weekend, or to know that our bills will be paid no problem and we'll be able to have fun and relax and eat out, etc. I was telling her that the week Alex lost his job, I was thinking to myself (because it was a busy week), "I just need to get through till next week and it'll be easy for the rest of the summer"...then Alex was fired and I am working a ridiculous amount of nights in a row to keep us financial sound. So my friend reminded me that things are never settled. Even when things calm down, there's always something lurking around the corner, or things may still feel crazy even though compared to a week ago, they're not. I thought about this and realized how true that is.

I remember the month before my grandmother died was December and it was insane. I wasn't pregnant with Aaron yet, but was training for the marathon and was busy with life. January rolled around and at the end of a particularly stressful week I thought to myself..."once next week is here, it will be smooth sailing". I may have even posted that on the blog at one point that week. Two days later, Gram started having changes in her mental status and she died within a few days. It was an even busier week as I was back and forth spending time with her, working and Charlie was sick that week.

I can remember several examples of this where I looked into the near future...thinking about how great it would be to get to a certain day, where my responsibilities were less, and then all hell breaks loose and I am drowning in responsibility. That's life, that's part of being a grown-up. I wouldn't change being married, having my boys, my house, my dogs, my family if it meant I'd be less stressed. I need to remind myself of this more lately. Instead of looking to see when things will calm down, I need to take it day by day and enjoy the good parts of every day. I think, in a way,it's great that Alex and I are being tested like this already in our marriage. We work well together and we get through things with great collaboration. We've had alot of ups and downs in our 8 years together, and we've gotten through it all, usually with flying colors. That makes me feel good about us as a unit and I know that we'll all be stronger after all of this! Thanks for listening...I hope everyone has a great weekend!