Trauma...

...that's one word you don't want to hear in reference to your 10 month old. But that was our morning yesterday. It was a morning like any other...I worked the night before and was totally exhausted. Alex took Charlie to school and i took Aaron out of his highchair to let him crawl around while I cleaned up the breakfast dishes. In a matter of seconds after putting him on the ground, I heard a terrible thumping sound and realized very quickly that it was him. I verbally assaulted myself for not checking that the gate had been closed behind Alex. I got to the stairs in time to watch him flip down the last 5 steps of our 15 carpeted steps, only to land on ceramic tile, legs over head and neck. I fought back the urge to throw up and scooped him up as he cried. *Note: this is not what you should do. You should leave your crying baby as he fell and get the phone and call 911* but my medical knowledge went out the door (or down the steps with Aaron) and I picked him up and fought the urge to call my mom first (she always makes everything better, maybe she could make this ok too!) and I called the pediatricians emergency line. The nurse told me quickly to lay him flat and hold his head straight and call 911 IMMEDIATELY. I lost it but did that. At that point, he stopped crying and stopped moving really and just laid there. I was certain I had paralyzed him. I unlocked the door and waited an excruciating 1.5 minutes for the ambulance to get there. They were great but didn't have a collar or spine board small enough for him so they scooped him up and we got in the ambulance.

Somewhere in that time, I had called Alex and told him to get home now, an ambulance was coming for Aaron. Also of note, there was an effing van blocking our driveway so the ambulance was in the middle of the street.

The drive to CHOP seemed to take an eternity and I fought off the strong urge to get sick all over because I get terrible motion sickness. I was also sobbing and wondering why Aaron wasn't moving or crying. The EMT kept telling me he was scared and in shock. I was freaked though. The driver was saying things to the hospital like, "trauma, 10 month old baby, full flight of stairs, head trauma, visible trauma, ETA 5 minutes, vitals stable..."

Long story a little shorter, we got to CHOP, they were incredible, they were so relieved that he looked good, and as soon as they pulled out the penlight to check his pupils, he smiled and tried to grab it. He got a head CT which was totally fine. It showed alot of blood between his skin and skull on the forehead where he has a large ugly reminder of his fall, and some large bruises on the back of his head, but his open fontanel missed any major bumps and his brain was clear. They also cleared his neck and we sat for 3 hours while they watched him act more and more normal and we were on our way home.

Writing all of this is somehow therapeutic. Now it's out and I don't have to keep it all in my head. I will never forget this, I will always feel terrible about this, but hopefully I can get the more vivid, vomit provoking images out of my head! I feel badly that for a little guy who has been through SO much in 10 months (not to mention the 8 months he spent in my belly that was wrought with stress), I should have really prevented this kind of thing from happening. But he is fine this morning. I verbally assure that the gate is closed now...any time I put him down on the ground I say, "gates are closed" as I look at them and it helps me make sure.

Thanks for listening, reading, etc! I needed to get this out!